Ghouls and Ghosts

My House is haunted not by ghouls or ghosts, but by King Diamond. At first I thought it was cool having something so evil hanging out in my bedroom. In his high piercing voice he could remind me not to break the oath and then we could conjure up some wicked shit. This, however, was before I realized that I would never be getting laid again. It's hard enough to convince a girl to come over when you live with your parents. The last thing I need is the worlds most powerful girl repellant exclaiming how evil we both are.

I'm not the only one either. These two poor kids have it even worse. They are possessed by King Diamond and will probably never get a chance to even interact with a female.

Water World

Pioneers of water doom metal, Confessor, made it possible to slip n slide and piss off your parents all at the same. Two seemingly opposite worlds brought together for only a short moment in time through Confessor's woman like vocals and progressive heaviness. The singer's swim shorts must have incited the most insane pool mosh pit, creating some sort of adolescent whirl pool.

I was benching that, bro!

Its a strange reality that some of us live under. Most people go through their day without being blind sided by an oversized tray of baby powder, but if you're one of the Road Warriors this is a constant threat. Normally, people avoid any kind physical contact with grown men who paint their faces but there is always some asshole who wants to fuck with the Road Warriors.

The surprise mystery guest is something that is normally reserved to bad DJ events and professional wrestling. When I was in 6th grade I went to the local teen center dance which was to include a surprise celebrity guest from Beverly Hills 90210. You can imagine the disappointment we all felt when the celebrity guest was Scott, the dude who accidently shot and killed himself while playing with his father's gun weeks earlier.

Wrestling loves the mystery guest and usually uses a black outline of the wrestler to hype it up, but sometimes it goes horribly wrong. Who thought it would be a good idea to to put a 350 pound man in a Darth Vader mask covered in glitter? Would people not realize that you went to the local halloween shop to create the most devastating wrestler of all time? As if the "Shock Master" was not already destined to fail, he sealed his fate by crashing through the wall during his surprise entrance, falling like a giant sack of glittered turd. Not only that, but he knocks off his Vader helmut in the process revealing himself to be Tugboat. Here is the whole debacle forever chronicled on video.