My body froze as I watched Mortiis approach me. I wanted to run far away from the forbidden creature, but my feet sat like great stones upon the permafrost floor. His frostbitten lips ran with saliva and the ice cracked with every step of his cloven hooves. My heart sank deep into my chest as he came closer and closer.
He breathed heavily and began to drag his foot like an injured animal. I stood motionless, every breath escaping me as he came within steps of my presence. His skin could only be described as corpse white and the veins in his body appeared as frozen rivers encased beneath his flesh. Mortiis lowered his body, placing his hands to the ground and on all fours he began to circle me.
Fear plagued every inch of my body as the Goblin ran his prosthetic nose up my leg. He sniffed relentlessly, twisting his head from side to side. My heart pounded and I felt my arteries begin to burst. I wanted to say something and I felt the words begin to form but no sound left my mouth.
The strobe light continued to flash and I felt my feet slowly sink into the floor. Mortiis raised his head from my leg and I stared into his eyes. Behind those eyes were a thousand stories, all too unbelievable to be told.
A smile began to form on his face and he rose before me. He looked at me, waiting for my response, waiting for me to get the joke. I felt neither laughter nor amusement. Instead, my mind began to whirl and my head grew light. I turned my attention away from the smiling demon, as I was l flooded with nausea. I looked to the hedonistic crowd while they danced under the yellow and green lights. Their clothes where drenched in sweat and they smashed their reproductive organs against each other.
I clenched at my stomach, struggling to hold the meals inside me. The hammer like beat of the music pounded the nausea deeper into my gut. I watched as the crowd began to melt. Their bodies forming a fleshy blob that swirled like tie-dye. The blob slid across the room much like a gastropod and grew larger, swallowing all things before it.
Mortiis placed his rotting hand on my shoulder and began to laugh. His laugh echoed through the entire building, drowning out the music.
"Come with me. It's Ok" Mortiis said as the room collapsed upon itself.
I do not know what sort of spell had been cast or drug I had unknowingly ingested, but suddenly my environment had completely changed. I existed all by myself in a small-lighted area, where there were no sounds or words spoken. Several meters to all sides of me was darkness. Beyond the darkness were deeper shadows, which seemed to vibrate slowly. There was a large pop, and from above a light shone on me brightly. I covered my eyes with my forearm, shielding myself from the luminance. The darkness taunted me, daring me to step closer. I wanted to enter it and swim within the morbid void. I imagined my body swirling through its black fluid, my hair becoming tangled in its shadows, my skin soaking in its mystery. My eyes burned as I peered into the depth. My whole life I felt had lead to this moment and it was time for me to enter this great black sea.
I shook nervously, my body overcome with anxiety. Sweat dripped from my brow as I tried to find the courage to go fourth. So weak I had become in this final moment, my moment of truth.
"Click, clack, Click clack."
I turned my body clockwise, listening to the sound. It came from the shadows and grew louder as it continued its trail.
"Click, clack, Click, clack."
A figure began to take form from within the shadows. It's black outline turning grey as it came to the light. There was another pop from above and a new luminance flashed across the space settling on the path of the traveler. I waited for the figure to emerge wondering what life prospered in those shadows. A cold white face spilled into the light and Mortiis once again stood before me.
A deep rumbling laughter surrounded me. It was the sound of the darkness finding life in my feebleness. A smirk grew on the face of the goblin who clutched a rusty silver cane. He began to speak to me but cut himself short with two fingers pressed against his lips. His body turned and he threw his arm to the air like a beloved thespian and upon doing so the darkness erupted with applause. Claps, and whistles, holler and hoots roared from the abyss. Mortiis nodded his head and bowed to the admiration. He then turned his attention to me. A great pressure fell upon my heart and I choked on the air. The Shadows grew completely quiet as the environment filled with anticipation. I stood silent, strangled with self-consciousness. It was my time to act but felt I had forgotten my lines. Mortiis's smile fell from his face and was replaced with disappointment. He let out a shrug to the shadows and giggled, shaking his head.
"My boy, my boy”, said Mortiis as he threw his arm around my shoulder.
He chuckled, looking into my eyes and gestured towards the great sea of black.
"What's in it? What's there?" I asked the goblin
He laughed, slapping his hands against his knees.
"What's in it?" He repeated mockingly. "Ahh...What does it matter, you will never go."
His words were true and I wish that they hadn't been. I wanted nothing more than to wander into those depths and lose myself in its tide. Free myself of earthly torments and surrender to it unknown space. My mind was set but my heart proved weak. A life I spent traveling the left hand path, taking every decaying twist set before my journey and now here I stood at the revelation, trembling with weakness.
"I can't do it", I said. "I want to but I can't."
Mortiis looked at me with great thought. His head slightly tilted towards his shoulder, his eyes turning to the ground.
"A life you have spent in shadows and now you fear this?" He said, slowly stepping back.
"Just what is it that you think you will find?"
I looked to the ground, not wanting to answer his question.
"What is beyond this blackness? What is in the dark? What is it that haunts you so?" Mortiis asked.
I could not look at him for I was too ashamed of myself. What had become of the child who had dreamed of the City of R'lyeh? What happened to the young man who envisioned a world where the elder things laid dead but dreaming? Perhaps the answer was before me, within my grasp but I declined to reach it.
"Maybe this is what you search for." Mortiis said as his cold hand reached for his face. He grabbed at his prosthetic nose and began to pull. The Flesh ripped from his cheek, and blood flowed down his chin. I stood to my feet and watched the goblin pick and pull at his flesh. His black fingernails dug deep, clawing away at every tissue, and every piece of meat that made up his face. His skull ran red, a crimson mask that dripped to the floor and flowed like a river to my feet. My shoes soaked in his plasma and I felt a sort of brilliance that one feels when he looks up to the stars.
He ran his fingertips against what remained of his face and wiped the blood away. His face shone with great luminance, flooding our environment with its rich light. He came closer to me reaching out his hand with compassion. As I looked at him in this new light I expected to see the mutilated face of a mad man but instead standing before me was the face of my father.
"It is time for you to go" He said, as he held my hand.
"No, I don't want to. I have to ask you something"
"Not now. You must go"
His luminance filled the darkness much as the dawn bids farewell to night and I felt his hand dissolve in my own. I reached out in the blinding light trying to grab hold of the entity before he dissapeared.
"Wait" I cried. "I'm ready. I want to go."
All things flashed before me like an atomic explosion. I fell to the ground, vomiting out the poison that was in me. Cigarettes and plastic cups littered the floor. Feet kicked all around me as I tossed and turned through the filth. My head spun violently and puked all over the kicking shoes. Bits and pieces of my day’s meals covered their laces, which continued to strike at my body. I needed to leave. I needed to gather my senses but I was too sick to move. Not knowing what to do I grabbed on to a kicking leg. I held on with all the strength I had while the leg attempted to shake me off.
I was in great danger and completely powerless to the angry feet that wished me harm. I feebly started to untie their laces in a ridiculous attempt at an offense. Then, I felt invisible hands reach beneath my arms and I floated above the floor. Angry, blurry faces screamed and spit at me, cursing the day I was born, when suddenly, a great force whisked me away. The lights and faces of the club streaked across my vision like the sights of one who travels between the stars.
"What's happening? Where are you taking him?" I heard the two girls yell out before I was pulled through a large door.
I hit the ground with a thud. To sick to feel the pain from my body crashing against the sidewalk I ran my hand through my hair, pulling it away from my eyes. Streetlights looked down on me, their cyclopean eyes finding pity for me. I wasn't sure if I was planning to get up. I felt content to stay there and so I relaxed my eyes and drifted away.
When I woke to the bright color of day I struggled to remember the events that left me lying on the warm asphalt of a city of industry. I splashed a little water from a nearby puddle against my face and ran my hand against my neck to make sure my necronomicon medallion was still there. I soon started a long journey back home, which gave me plenty of time to ponder my adventure. You may wonder what it all meant and I would love to tell you only its truth eludes me as well. I like to imagine that like a hero I have undergone some sort of triumphant change from my ordeal or that a wisdom or discovery has been brought to my understanding. If only life were like books where climax brings resolution, but those are things of fiction and have no bearing on reality. Instead my life continues as it had before. I wander through filth and search deep into darkness, never sure which great mysteries life will throw before me, or what evil brews in my cauldron gut.
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