In my Darkest hours

Every day I peeled out of the school parking lot with decade of aggression bleeding from my speakers. My windows were always rolled down because I wanted everyone to realize how fucking evil I was, and they did. Being evil was awesome. The only thing that sucked about it was that you spent most of the time being evil by yourself. I needed someone to hang out with while my fog machine filled up my bedroom, and hopefully someone whose hair was longer than mine.

With no one to relate to I used dig into my VHS collection and put on Florida Championship Wrestling. I loved watching Kevin Sullivan and his minions smash their opponents into disfigurment. I was convinced that he was the most evil man on the Earth and I looked up to him like a step dad. The most amazing thing about him was that while painting his face and conjuring up some wicked shit he managed to find a sick as fuck, sadistic, skinny chick. I idolized Sullivan and wanted what he had. I learned everything I know about relationships by watching those tapes. However, I was still alone, in my room, reading the Goetia.


I watched their relationship grow and become something stronger than even Kevin himself. Their darkness fed each other and together they embarked on horrific journeys to parts unknown. That was all I wanted. I wanted a girl that was into the darkest of shit. A girl that I could write Deicide lyrics to and later we could do evil stuff to each other.

It was no use. What Kevin had was rare and did not extend to me. I realized that I would never be able to use my Ouija board without another pair of hands, so I set it on fire. The darkness crept into my mind and sent me into a tirade of madness. I had given up speaking with others entirely and would only acknowledge them by hissing. Things were not working out for me, so I decided that If I was going to be alone than I was going to do it the right way and move to the forrest.

There was nothing you could have told me that would have changed my mind. I bagged up my knife collection and put on my best pair of camouflage pants. I was on my way when I decided that I would attend school one last time. I wanted everyone to witness what true misery was, to see just how dark my beliefs had become. That is when I saw her.

It was the first day of the foreign exchange program and she would spend the next two months away from Norway and in my town. She was so evil that she wouldn't speak to anybody not even myself, she was awesome. Everyday I followed her in my car as she walked home from school and at the same spot on Willard St. she would always turn around, flip me off, and yell some sort of Norwegian swear word. I began stuffing Glen Benton inspired love notes in her locker and one time she threw dog shit at me. Things were not working out as planned so I turned to my Kevin Sullivan tapes. I watched and watched for hours and realized that if wanted this girl I had to something completely evil and then she would realize that we were meant for each other.

That was the day I had my Dad drop me off at school because of a self inflicted flat on my Toyota Camry. As soon as I saw her I got out of the car and made a huge coughing sound. When I saw that she was looking in my direction I motioned to my dad to roll down the window. As he rolled down the window he looked up at me with a half smile. It was at that moment that I clenched my knuckles as tightly as I could and punched him square in the face. I turned around immediately to look for her but before I saw her I felt a hand reach around my collar and drag me to the concrete. My dad preceded to kick my ass in front of the entire school. It was horrible, but then I looked up and I saw her smiling at me.

We spent the next 4 weeks together. It was the most amazing time in my life. We would go to the mall after school everyday and I would walk her with a dog collar tied around her neck. We were so evil together. I had become my own Kevin Sullivan and she was my Fallen Angel. Unfortunately, her trip got cut short after she tried to burn down her exchange parent's house. I never saw her again after that but I would write to her everyday. Below is the only picture I have of the two of us together. It is the first thing I look at every morning.